By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 27/11/2017
A reindeer walked into a pub, strolled up to the bar and ordered a pint of lager.
Completely unphased, the barman poured out the lager and passed it to the reindeer, who handed over a ten pound note.
As he handed over the change of a few coins, the barman said "I have to say, you're first reindeer I've seen in here."
The reindeer studied the change very carefully and said. "Tell you what sunshine, as these prices I'm also the last reindeer you're going to see in here."
By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 14/11/2017
Santa was very upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right!
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had while making the toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!"
He continued, "And I sent that stupid Little Angel out hours ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind him. He said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"
And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas tree got its start...
By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 28/10/2017
It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said "Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
"No" he replied, "They're all dead".
By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 13/10/2017
Q: Which of Santa's reindeer's needs to mind his manners the most?
Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Q: Where do Santa's reindeer's like to stop for lunch?
A: Deery Queen.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: If you're afraid of Santa Claus, what condition do you have?
By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 23/09/2017
It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures of the nativity set. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."
By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 12/09/2017
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse's brain instead of on his back."
By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 04/09/2017
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"
"Something for my mother, please," said the young lady.
"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?"
Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"
By christmas-wishes-and-jokes | On 24/08/2017
A few days before Christmas, two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparent's house. When it was time to go to bed, and anxious to do the right thing, they both knelt down to say their prayers.
Suddenly, the younger one began to do so in a very loud voice.
"Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a play-station, a mountain-bike and a telescope."
His older brother leaned over and nudged his brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
"I know" he replied, "But Grandma is!"